Dear God
by AWickedMemory
Summary: Shounen-Ai, KxS, AU. Kaworu arrives at Shinji's school, and little by little, strange traits start to show. Is he human? Why is he here? Why is he so attached to Shinji? [ WiP 2 of 8 ]
1. What A Beautiful Day

**Title:** Dear God  
**Author:** Daryn Maxwell  
**Chapter:** 01: What A Beautiful Day  
**Date Started:** 21 Dec. 2003  
**Date Completed:** 22 Dec. 2003  
**Disclaimer:** Shinseiki (Neon Genesis) Evangelion and all of its characters are property of Gainax. The lyrics and chapter title are from a country song by Chris Cagle, 'What A Beautiful Day'.  
**A/N:** Yarrr-- my first attempt at an Evangelion story, even though I haven't written in ages. Hurrah! (Or not... ::shifty eyes::) This plot is probably overdone, but I actually haven't read it in the NGE fandom so I'm going with it anyway. As a side note, I don't know how this is going to end. I've mused on a few different endings-- a couple happy, a couple tragic-- and I'm still musing. Feedback would be nice! 

_/ Day one, I stumbled through hello on 5th Ave /  
/ Day two, we grabbed a bite to eat /  
/ And talked all afternoon /_

          The day as nondescript as usual with the weather at about 25º C, Ikari Shinji leaned forward in his desk, eyes fixed on the small, rotating figure of a glass angel before him. From the music box came the ever-familiar melody of "Ode to Joy", almost drowned out by the chatter of the students around him. To his trained ears, however, the almost ritualistic tune was all he could hear. Beside him, Ikari Rei sat as quiet and picture-perfect as always. Shinji's younger sister by a year, it was almost impossible for anybody but her brother to elicit a reaction from her beyond a possible expressionless glance.

          The two of them were a strange sight, silent and still in the busy, bustling classroom. Having been homeschooled up until high school, they both showed little interest in making friends. Despite their solitary habits, however, Shinji had managed to make a small group of close acquaintances, but Rei always kept her distance.

          A sudden shuffle lured Shinji's eyes away from the music box. Horaki Hikari, a friend of his and the class representative, called out "KIRITSU!" as everybody rushed to stand at their desks. Sighing, Shinji and Rei exchanged glances before getting to their feet as the teacher walked in and went to her own desk. Smiling as always, she nodded to Hikari, who proceeded to call out "REI!" At the cue, all of the students bowed and up rose a (more or less) unanimous chorus of "Good morning, Miss Katsuragi!"

          Katsuragi Misato brushed her dark hair off of her shoulder as she beamed brilliantly at her first period junior class. "Good morning, everybody. I hope you're all well-rested and wide awake, because we're going to start out today with a pop quiz."

          Despite the traditional student tendency to groan at such news, not a peep was heard as everybody hurriedly pulled out papers and pencils. Everyone knew better than to complain to their youthful history teacher, who was as charming as she was beautiful, but also deadly to cross. Besides, they had a pop quiz once a week, which kept every student on their toes and prepared.

          There was a knock on the door just as Misato began to write the questions on the chalkboard. She narrowed her eyes as Kaji Ryouji, the botany/health/gym teacher and Misato's infamous boyfriend, entered with his trademark smirk. "Yes? May I help you?" Misato asked politely with an icy tone and narrowed eyes-- a look that could make anyone, student or faculty alike, wither. Anyone except for Kaji, that is.

          Much to her disgruntlement, Kaji laughed. "The week has just begun, and you're so tense already? I don't know how you'll get on."

          "If you have nothing more important to do than waste my time, I'll have to ask you to remove yourself," Misato snapped with annoyance before regaining her composure. She _hated_ for class to be interrupted.

          Shaking his head, Kaji leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, still wearing his infuriating smile. "Now, now, Misato-- such a temper against the man who shares your bed!" Misato flushed crimson at the sprinkle of laughter amongst her students and looked ready to hurl a chair at Kaji when he swung the door open.

          Instantly, the juniors began chattering amongst themselves, and Shinji lazily lifted his head to peer at the doorway. No sooner did his eyes fall on the figure standing beside Kaji than he bolted upright in his seat, blinking. He was aware of a slight warmth in his cheeks when he forced himself to look back down at his desk, startled at his own reaction.

          The gray-haired boy entered the class with a disarming smile, approaching Misato with Kaji a few steps behind him. Bowing his head briefly, he stood upright once more before turning to the entire class. For a moment, Shinji could have sworn that the unusual red eyes lingered on him before the boy spoke, his voice as smooth and clear as the sea. "Good morning. My name is Nagisa Kaworu. I'm pleased to make your acquaintances."

          Misato looked surprised, but her anger had evaporated at her first glimpse of Kaworu, and at his unexpected calm courtesy, she smiled warmly at him. "Good morning, Nagisa-kun. I'm Miss Katsuragi. I welcome you to Class 2-A."

          Kaji chose this moment to speak. "Nagisa-kun just transferred here from Aichi. His records are outstanding-- brilliant all-around student, a musician, very well-recommended by his teachers."

          Kaworu laughed slightly at this, and Shinji felt something flutter within him at the bell-like ring. "Mr. Kaji, you're making me out to sound like some sort of genius. I'm embarrassed," he said-- and true enough, there was the faintest dash of pink spread over his cheeks.

          Chuckling, Kaji patted his shoulder. "Oh, am I? Well, maybe because you _are_ a genius." He winked. "Or maybe you're some sort of angel."

          Eyeing Kaworu's slightly uncomfortable look, Misato gave Kaji a light whap with her clipboard. "You're humiliating the kid and he hasn't even been in class for a minute! Go on, get out, you lazy lump-- don't you have dirt to play with?" she scolded. At her new pupil's confused look, she winked before explaining in a low voice, "he's the botany teacher."

          "Misato, I'm surprised! Since when have you extended using your bedroom voice to students?"

          "GET OUT!"

          Knowing his lover's temper better than anyone, Kaji fled. The young woman seethed at the door for a moment before instantly resuming her Professor-of-Perfection image as she kindly directed Kaworu to an open seat-- the desk directly to the right of "Ikari Shinji, one of the two class mutes". Keeping his eyes glued to the desk at the friendly laughter that followed, Shinji knew he was blushing again as Kaworu sat down beside him.

          "Good morning," Kaworu greeted him in a low voice, causing him to jerk his head up in surprise at being addressed. With a smile worthy of melting the hardest of hearts shining down on him, Shinji found it a miracle that he could so much as open his mouth, much less respond.

          "Ah-- good morning, Nagisa-kun. Welcome to 2-A," he mumbled with a small, shy smile.

          "Please, call me Kaworu, Ikari-kun," Kaworu requested, crimson eyes twinkling in seemingly perpetual amusement.

          _Oh, God, he's actually joking around with me,_ Shinji thought, feeling almost faint. "I-- er. I-- okay? Then you can call me Shinji," he managed to get out, wanting to hide his face while at the same time unable to take his eyes off of Kaworu's.

          "If the two of you are done courting, may we resume class?" Misato's stern voice called out, cutting through the almost surreal exchange-- surreal to Shinji, at any rate. He knew his face must be burning, and peeking over at Kaworu, he was somewhat pleased to see the pale boy blushing as well.

          "Sorry, Miss Katsuragi," they both chimed in unison, ducking their heads.

          Rolling her eyes, Misato finished writing up the quiz questions on the chalkboard-- but with her back to the class, she permitted herself a small smile. _Perhaps it was a little cruel to tease them like that, considering it's Nagisa-kun's first day, and Shinji's always so quiet. But..._ She gave a small, silent chuckle. _It was worth it to see them both blush so scarlet. Maybe-- is it possible?-- maybe I wasn't entirely off the mark..._

          Class continued on, and eventually, the bell rang for lunch. Standing, Shinji was immediately pummeled, almost falling into Kaworu in the process. Souryuu Asuka Langley glared down at him. "I can't believe you caused a scene like that, Shinji-baka! And on Nagisa-kun's first day, too! You're an embarrassment to 2-A!"

          "Yeah, Shinji, what were you thinking? How dare you welcome the new student? You're awful!" chimed another, more relaxed, voice as Suzuhara Touji stepped up to the four of them, joined a moment later by his girlfriend, Hikari. Asuka glared at Touji's jibe, but before she could say a word, Kensuke was right behind her, eagerly extending a hand and a greeting to Kaworu-- always excited about new students and wondering what sort of conspiracy theories they would bring.

          "It-- it's not what you're thinking! We were just saying hi!" Shinji squeaked, flustered by the sudden attention. His friends were infamous for being a bit overwhelming, but sometimes they took things a little too far-- at least, in Shinji's opinion.

          Kaworu stood and dipped his head slightly in greeting to them all before favouring Shinji with another smile. "I'm sorry if my actions caused you embarrassment, Shinji-kun. That was surely not my intention," he apologized, eliciting another faint blush.

          "Ah-- it's okay, they're always like this," Shinji murmured back bashfully, rubbing his neck.

          Asuka dropped down into the now-empty desk in front of Kaworu, its occupant on the other side of the room by now. "Ignore him, Nagisa-kun-- Shinji can't usually get his mouth to work, especially with new students. The idiot's as timid as a mouse, and complete prey!"

          "I'm not that bad!" Shinji insisted, earning a kick from the redheaded girl, which he barely dodged. Instantly, a debate arose around how violable Shinji was, and he ruefully sank into his seat, keeping his eyes firmly glued to the desk.

          After a moment, he could feel eyes resting on him, and he glanced up. While Touji, Asuka, Kensuke and Hikari argued, he found Kaworu staring straight at him with a curious, almost fond, smile. He blinked twice before managing a small laugh. "Is-- is there something wrong, Kaworu-kun?"

          Kaworu shook his head, still watching Shinji. "No, not at all."

          It was then that Shinji noticed Kaworu's empty desk. He blinked, peering curiously at the silver-haired youth. "Don't you have a lunch...?" he asked, some concern in his voice.

          Shaking his head again, Kaworu absently brushed some hair out of his eyes. "I don't usually eat lunch," he explained. "Food doesn't always settle well with me."

          "Me, neither," Shinji admitted, gesturing to his own empty desk. He hesitated before continuing. "... Have you been around the school yet?" When Kaworu shook his head, he paused again. "Would... you like to be shown around? I mean-- since neither of us eat, and all..."

          Seeming to light up, Kaworu got to his feet, his smile extending from ear to ear. "I would be honoured and delighted if you would," he accepted gratefully.

          "Great!" Getting out of his own seat, Shinji glanced guiltily down at Rei, who was slowly, meticulously eating her own meal. As if sensing his uncertainty, she looked up at him and gave a small smile.

          "Don't be late coming back," she cautioned.

          Grinning, Shinji nodded. "We'll be back before lunch is over." Turning to Kaworu, he nodded once more before heading to the door, the new pupil a step behind him.

          Asuka paused mid-sentence as she watched the two leave. Eyes narrowing, she glared at Touji. "You idiot! You made me miss what they were talking about!"

          "ME? Who started the fight?!"

          "You, of course! You always do, you blockhead!"

          "Asuka, Touji, please!" Hikari cried, wincing as they continued to yell over her. Sitting off to the side, Kensuke had stepped out of the argument when the quarrel began to show signs of a brawl. He alone watched the door shut behind Shinji and Kaworu, a thoughtful expression resting upon his countenance. Brushing his thoughts away to analyze later, he unwrapped his sandwich and began to eat. 


	2. At the Beginning

**Title:** Dear God  
**Author:** Daryn Maxwell  
**Chapter:** 02: At the Beginning  
**Date Started:** 22 Dec. 2003  
**Date Completed:** 07 Jan. 2004  
**Disclaimer:** Shinseiki (Neon Genesis) Evangelion and all of its characters are property of Gainax. The lyrics and chapter title are from Richard Marx's and Donna Lewis' "At the Beginning", also the ending theme song to FOX's "Anastasia".  
**A/N:** All right, I have a vague storyboard for this story now. As is, it's looking to be eight chapters, but that can always change. As always, comments would be much appreciated! 

_/ No one told me /  
/ I was going to find you /  
/ Unexpected /  
/ What you did to my heart /  
/ When I lost hope /  
/ You were there to remind me /  
/ This is the start /_

          Shinji and Kaworu padded down the hall, the only sound being the echoes of their footsteps. For a while, they were silent, Shinji awkwardly shy and Kaworu still wearing a lazy, contented smile. When they turned a corner, the former, feeling obligated to speak and break the silence, blurted out, "Well!-- what sort of things are you interested in?"

          _You,_ Kaworu thought instantly with vague amusement at himself. _You're the one I'm looking for, aren't you? I'm sure of it._ Without missing a beat, he smoothly replied, "music, mostly. I enjoy music very much. It's the greatest gift humans can give each other, in my opinion-- an unspeakable offering and ever a true extention of oneself."

          "Oh!" Smiling more easily, Shinji turned to look at him. "How poetic. I love music as well. Do you play an instrument?"

          "Yes, the viola." Gazing over at Shinji warmly, Kaworu tilted his head. "Do you?"

          "Cello," Shinji confirmed with a nod.

          "Great! Do you think we could play together sometime...?"

          Eyes widening slightly, Shinji averted his gaze, rubbing his neck again. "I-- I'm not very good..." he murmured. Of course, it was a lie; Shinji was one of the best musicians in the school, but he wasn't comfortable with the attention he sometimes received for the talent. Besides, he was somehow instinctively sure Kaworu would be far better. When a cool hand touched his, breaking through his curious musings, Shinji jumped slightly as he came to a stop. He stared in surprise as Kaworu inspected his hand for a moment before looking startlingly deeply into his sapphire eyes.

          "You have a musician's hands."

          "Th-th... thank you...?" Shinji stammered uncertainly. He tried to pull his hand away, but something inside stopped him-- possibly partially influenced by the observation that Kaworu still hadn't let go, and that the friendly boy was still smiling at him almost affectionately. After a moment, both dropped their hands, blushing. "Ah-- well..." Forcing himself to perk up slightly, Shinji pointed a few doors down to the right. "There's the music room, so if you want to look in there...?"

          "I'd be delighted."

          Lunch continued on in this manner. Amidst roaming the halls, ducking into classrooms, and chatting idly, Kaworu and Shinji found it surprisingly easy to open up to each other. It was no surprise, then, when they lost track of time. The two boys ran back into class moments before the bell could ring, signifying the end of lunch. Hikari gave them a stern warning look as they took their seats, breathing hard and stifling laughter.

          Kaworu turned to face Shinji. "What class is next?" he asked curiously, eyes still shining from the half-panicked sprint through the school. Shinji grinned, briefly relieved that he seemed to have gotten some control over his blushing.

          "Health-- with Mr. Kaji."

          "The man who brought me in this morning?"

          "Mm-hmm. Just a fair warning, though--" Kaworu glanced at him curiously, "-- he's almost never serious, so don't take anything to heart."

          On the other side of Shinji, Kensuke leaned over, video camera fixed on the two. "Speaking of Mr. Kaji-- have you both heard the news? Miss Katsuragi and he got into a fight, and he was making fun of her, saying if she ditched him she'd probably just run to Ritsuko's bed or something. Miss Katsuragi got really red, but instead of yelling at him like usual, she ran. What do you think about that?"

          "I think it's none of your business," Asuka snapped, sticking her face in front of the camera. She leaned over and turned off the power before Kensuke could snatch his beloved device away. "You're so nosy! It's none of your business what they do!"

          The camera went on again as Kensuke turned his attention to her. "And this is the opinion of one Miss Souryuu Asuka Langley, who wants nothing more than the handsome and rugged Mr. Ryouji Kaji to--"

          "TURN THAT OFF!"

          Just as Asuka's screech came to a close, the door opened and Ryouji Kaji strutted towards the desk. "Good afternoon, everybody! I hope you're all very much alert after your delicious lunches, because today we'll be starting the human sexuality unit. And what better way to do this than begin with studying the history of sex? We'll begin with Freudian notions of the sexual stages of development-- phallic, oedipal and latency, which will lead straight into puberty. Then we'll discuss how these apply to our everyday lives, and finally, we'll end with a guest speaker on the psychological pattern of sexual abuse. The exam for this unit will be for all of you to pair up and teach a twenty minute lesson on sexual influence in today's adolescent society, such as pornographic internet spam or the Kama Sutra."

          He was met by a startled silence. The second hand ticked by on the clock, and eventually, the minute hand shifted over a single unit. A few students tentatively opened their laptops to take notes while others shifted uncomfortably in their desks.

          It was then that Kaji laughed.

          "My God, you're all so tense! Misato must have beaten your brains-- I was only kidding. We'll continue working on the nutrition unit. Everybody, get out your food pyramids."

          _Dear Mom,  
          I was listening to your music box again today. I listen to it at the start of every school day. It helps me get through. I was watching the glass angel, and I wondered if you're really up in heaven, looking out for me. I wonder if you're my guardian angel now, or if you've left this crystal one to shelter my spirit. If that's the case, she's not doing her job.  
          But as I sat there wishing for an angel, a new student arrived. His name is Nagisa Kaworu-- and mother, I can't help but wonder if he has the soul of an angel. I've never had anyone be so kind to me, except for you and Rei. Even Rei keeps a distance now, but Kaworu-- it's as if he singled me out to be his friend. Within seconds of him sitting down beside me, he got me to smile. And he has such a sweet, sincere smile; it reminds me of you. It reminds me of Rei. It even reminds me of the glass angel, even though her smile is fixed and meaningless. His is that angel's delicate, perfect smile given human flesh and warmth.  
          He plays the viola. Kaworu, I mean. Besides Rei, I've never known someone my age who likes the same music I do, except for the exceptionally smart people who stick to their own clique. Kaworu is brilliant, too, but he's not like them. He doesn't try to sound like a genius, never throws in confusing words when he talks, never brags or brings anyone down. He's not trying too hard to be good, either; it's like being perfect is his instinct.  
          I only met him today, but it feels like I've known him all my life. I feel like I can trust him and tell him things I've never even told Rei or Asuka or Touji or Kensuke. He's really amazing, mother, someone special. And I'm so afraid of him deciding I'm not worth his time and rejecting me, even though I know he should and probably will.  
          I wonder what you would think of him? I really wish you could meet him, and he, you. I still don't entirely believe in heaven, so it scares me to wonder where you might be now. But Kaworu makes me want to believe in heaven, and angels, and a loving God watching over us.  
          I miss you.  
          Shinji _


End file.
